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Monday, March 21, 2011

A Soapbox Moment part 2

So that last post leads to this one: Unbelievable things people have said to me over the course of the adoption process and after we brought Autumn home. (I'm leaving out the things I said inside my head because most of the time the thoughts aren't very appropriate or just overly sarcastic)
  • Is she your real child? (YES she is!)
  • She's beautiful but don't you wish you could have one that looks like you? (not really this is the child God created for us, why would I change that?)
  • Where is her real mother? (excuse me??!!!?!?! standing right in front of you!)
  • Why did you adopt her? (that was God's plan)
  • Couldn't you have your own children? (um....she is my own child!)
  • Do you know anything about her real parents? (yes, I have blonde hair and blue eyes....)
  • Does she know who her real mom is? (yes, it's me!)
  • Does she call you mom? (i can't even dignify that with a response--out loud anyway)
  • When did you get her?
  • Why did you wait so long to have kids?
  • Why didn't her real mom want her? (oh PLEASE don't ask that question around her birth mom, how insensitive can you get?! Of course her birth mom wanted her, and it's none of your business why she chose this option for her daughter)
  • Why didn't you adopt a white baby? (oh, I'm so not going there)
  • Oh my goodness what do you do with her hair? I'd never be able to figure that stuff out!
  • Does she know she's adopted? (nope, it's a state secret.....of course she knows, she even knows she grew in her birth mom's tummy because Mommy's tummy is broken)
  • Didn't you know that Asian babies are cheaper? (in what reality?!?!)
  • What did she cost? (about the same that your baby cost)
Oh and this list just keeps going! (pause to once again say the Serenity Prayer....)

Do you know that my daughter HEARS these questions?!?! Honestly people, THINK before you speak!!!! I have no problem talking about our experience with adoption, actually I love talking about it but not to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that is just being nosy. If you really want to know about adoption and have some serious questions about the process itself, I'm happy to sit and talk to you. But please don't ask stupid questions when my daughter is standing right there, she's going to hear enough of these from her peers as she gets older, she shouldn't have to hear it from the adults she respects (or even adults she doesn't know), adults are supposed to have a little more care for children's feelings than that. On the other hand I work with lots of families and see how they talk about their own children right in front of them! Unbelievable!!!!

Our daughter is an amazing gift from God, her birth mom is also a wonderful gift from God, she is a very important part of our family. I can't even begin to imagine the emotions she went through before and after Autumn's birth and every time she sees Autumn; but I do know that the same stupid questions that hurt me and my daughter also hurt her birth mom. I would not trade Autumn for anything in this world, and no, I don't wish she looked like me. I love the way she looks, she is a beautiful little girl, inside and out. I enjoy learning about how to care for her hair and all the fun things we can do with it. I love the joy she has of life and every little thing about the world around her. Autumn loves God and talks to him as if she were talking to a friend, she knows that Jesus lives in her heart and that the angels sleep with her and keep her and her friends safe at night. I think that she even talks to her angel sister and her angel grandmothers from comments she has made.She is so creative and imaginative and smart and adventurous (sometimes a little to much for my taste, there are days I cover my eyes and pray), she is curious and caring, she is very musically talented and I can't wait to see where her talents and interests take her in life. Why would I want to miss even a second of any of that?!

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