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Monday, March 21, 2011

A Soapbox Moment part 1

A few days ago I was at a party and all of us mom's were talking about our kids (because what mom doesn't?) I mentioned in the course of this casual conversation that I can't have kids and honestly, I'm not looking for stupid platitudes and "empathy" from someone who's never been there. It has taken me YEARS to be able to say that casually, and accept that it is part of who I am. So I thought I'd share some of the unbelievable things people have said in the past:
  • It just wasn't meant to be
  • These things happen for a reason
  • Maybe you weren't trying hard enough
  • You just need to relax
  • If you'd adopt then you could get pregnant (WHAT!?!?! um....I have adopted...)
  • You can have mine, they are driving me crazy
  • Oh, parenting is such hard work
  • You are so lucky, my husband just has to look at me and I get pregnant
  • Did you try the backseat of a car?
and on and on it goes! Here's the thing......try listening to what you are about to say before you say it. If these are the direction you are headed please just keep your mouth shut. Or rather try "I'm so sorry, that must be hard". And don't say "i know just how you must feel" if you've never been where I am because you actually have NO idea how I feel. I have come to terms with the broken parts of my body but that doesn't mean that I still feel sad or grieve and that these things can't hurt me anymore. Do I feel little pangs of sadness and jealousy when friends and family are getting pregnant around me? Of course, but I'm also thrilled for them and can't wait to meet their new little one! (ok now I'm off to say the Serenity prayer a few times)

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